Secret Place

2-25-12
This is totally cool! I was dreaming this morning as I normally do and yet I couldn't remember anything. I turned on my FB and saw a video from Graham Cooke and Patricia King on True Identity. Being this is one of the things I value most, I wanted to listen. I was being blessed as I listened, but then I heard Graham talk about a time when he Lord had instructed him to meditate and study Ps. 91 until the Lord instructed him to stop. As soon as he said Psalm 91, I knew that was the verse I was given in my sleep. I was trying to remember it by heart and couldn't quite.


I love how God puts puzzle pieces together to lead, instruct and encourage us. I know this verse is mine to now do the same. I woke up with a specific plan to listen to a message that my dear friend Kath recently preached. Only God knew to speak Ps. 91 to me in my sleep, knowing that I would instead listen to Graham's message. Wow!! I love Him!!! And again He gives me a specific scripture confirming that I will live a long satisfying life. Thank you Lord!!


Here is Psalm 91 personalized as a prayer and declaration over my life:


    1 I (Kelli) WHO [a]dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty [Whose power no foe can withstand].
    2 I (Kelli) will say of the Lord, YOU are MY (Kelli's) Refuge and Fortress, MY (Kelli's) God; on YOU I (Kelli) lean and rely, and in YOU I (Kelli) [confidently] trust!


    3 For [then] YOU will deliver ME (Kelli) from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence.


    4 [Then] YOU will cover ME (Kelli) with YOUR pinions, and under YOUR wings shall I (Kelli) trust and find refuge; YOUR truth and YOUR faithfulness are MY (Kelli's) shield and a buckler.


    5 I (Kelli) shall not be afraid of the terror of the night, nor of the arrow (the evil plots and slanders of the wicked) that flies by day,


    6 Nor of the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor of the destruction and sudden death that surprise and lay waste at noonday.


    7 A thousand may fall at MY (Kelli's) side, and ten thousand at MY (Kelli's) right hand, but it shall not come near ME (Kelli).


    8 Only a spectator shall I (Kelli) be [Myself inaccessible in the secret place of the Most High] as I (Kelli) witness the reward of the wicked.


    9 Because I (Kelli) have made the Lord MY refuge, and the Most High MY dwelling place,


    10 There shall no evil befall ME (Kelli), nor any plague or calamity come near MY (Kelli's) tent.


    11 For YOU will give YOUR angels [especial] charge over ME (Kelli) to accompany and defend and preserve ME (Kelli) in all MY (Kelli's) ways [of obedience and service].


    12 They shall bear ME (Kelli) up on their hands, lest I (Kelli) dash MY (Kelli's) foot against a stone.


    13 I (Kelli) shall tread upon the lion and adder; the young lion and the serpent shall I (Kelli) trample underfoot.


    14 Because YOU have set YOUR love upon Me (Kelli), therefore will YOU deliver ME (Kelli); YOU will set ME (Kelli) on high, because I (Kelli) know and understand YOUR name [have a personal knowledge of YOUR mercy, love, and kindness--trusts and relies on YOU, knowing YOU will never forsake ME (Kelli), no, never].


    15 I (Kelli) shall call upon YOU, and YOU will answer ME; YOU will be with ME (Kelli) in trouble, YOU will deliver ME (Kelli) and honor ME (Kelli).


    16 With long life will YOU satisfy ME (Kelli) and show ME (Kelli) YOUR salvation.

Round Two


I invite you to take this journey with me as I travel through familiar and yet uncharted waters. Places I recognize, but yet offer a newness. Treacherous mountains passes not unlike the Mount Caradhras of Lord of the Rings or quiet bubbling brooks that beacon one to rest. Life is filled with adventure. Some we choose and others are chosen for us. I did not choose this path. I have returned to several places I never dreamed I would. Truth is; that would have been fine with me.


Originally my blog was going to be about our move back to Heber/Overgaard. This is where we started our lives together over thirty-one years ago. In our wildest dreams, we were never coming back here. In fact, when we moved away from here, we considered it being delivered from Egypt. Not that the area was bad, but it was far away from town and back then we spent a lot of time traveling. I had three little ones, pregnant with number four, and carted them back and forth two or three times a week to Show Low. I even went through an insane stage where I took them all out of bed before dawn and drove the 40 miles to early morning prayer. What was I thinking? I thought that is what it would take to get closer to God. I was so young and vulnerable and due to my hunger for more of Him, I fell prey to what the "older" men and women of God told me. I now know God wasn't asking me to do this.


So here we are, been here and done this before. There are moments when I am making my way to the Heber Country Store and it is major dejavu. I look around and think this can't be real. Some mornings, I awaken and wonder Lord, why here? Why of all times, when our first granddaughter has just come into this world, would you move us away from Gilbert and back to the mountain.


I can't say that I have an answer for that. This is the first time in 31 years, that we have lived without children. We are officially an empty nest. Still did we have to move so far away? Each of our children was within a five mile radius and we loved it. There are so many things about this season that don't make sense. Was it necessary for our children, whom we are so close to, to have a chance to grow up more into their own persons aside from our influence? Or rely on the Lord more independently? 


Maybe it is a time to reconnect with one another. We have spent many days apart throughout our married life and just last year Mike worked away from home the entire twelve months. It is does take time to reestablish a life together when we are used to living alone. Will we really know? Maybe or maybe not.


So before my birthday, I was embracing life here. I appreciate the skies, free from that orange film that stretched across the horizon in the city. I have always loved the pine trees and the beauty of fresh falling snow. I love to walk and listen to God with my headset on and there are hardly any people around so I can sing or sign without others looking on. I didn't get to do that long as the snow came in early November. In fact, our front yard after several months, is still white. It was never like this when we lived here before.


Just before the holidays, I had begun to go around to the local businesses, mostly run by women, introduce myself and work at building a relationship of care with them. I must be around people. That is definitely a powerful indication of God's change in my life since the last time I lived here. I wanted to be outgoing, but was shy and more of a wallflower. Not anymore. I am a very social person, although I definitely require my quiet times as well. Boy do I have an abundant supply of those these days. Why does it seem to be feast or famine. :)


I threw a party for my 50th, as I refused to allow such a milestone  to pass unnoticed. Unlike so many, I had been unafraid of turning a half century old. I know from scriptures fifty was a year of jubilee and I have been believing for that for some time now. From January 2005 to the present, health issues have assaulted me. It has been an extremely difficult season to navigate through. I had great hopes of starting out my fiftieth with a touch of greater health. I am still believing for that, however, it is now requiring greater faith to reach that goal.


The day following my birthday changed things. My ultrasound revealed a tumor which the radiologist said was the size of an egg. I hate going to the doctor anymore, as I never know what I will hear. I also hate how when you are a person who has had cancer, there is an unusual harshness or indifference that comes over these medical professionals. It makes me wonder if it is a spirit. It is not all of them, but many. Is it that you are now a marked individual? They definitely make you feel that your life will now be cut short and your only hope is to submit to cut, poison and burn. (Surgery, chemo and radiation followed by other cancer drugs) It is their recipe for palliative care. It is not about a cure, because one doesn't exist in their eyes. It is about prolonging your life as long as possible. It was those exact reasons that caused me to go on a journey to search for myself, what is cancer, is there really no way to know what causes it and is it true there is no cure? I know that there are very few anymore if at all, who have not known at least one and probably several people whose lives were cut short by receiving a "cancer" diagnosis.


I have learned more about this subject that I ever thought or wanted to. Some of what I have learned has made me mad enough to want to spit nails and yet other things have me given hope to believe for a true and complete healing, not only for myself, but for many others. I have believed from the beginning, this whole experience of walking the road through cancer was way bigger than me. It was also about being sent forth into an area of ministry that is greatly needed. I did in fact offer to go through this last year when I thought then that cancer may be growing again in my body. I guess the Lord decided to take me up on it. I must have been crazy. :)